Ten Things - August 2011

My life isn't exactly the best thing right now so I'm trying to think of the good things. Here goes.

1. My DD. She's my world. Seeing her smile makes me smile. Without her, life would be grey and empty.

2. Working out. If I didn't get the chance to workout at the gym, I'd have no escape from stress. I need it and the endorphins make me feel better.

3. My scrapbooking. When I work with paper, I get a sense of calmness at times. It relaxes me and helps me think of things other than the present. Looking at pictures of happy times, helps me focus on what is good in my life.

4. My parents. I know I'm lucky to still have them in my life. They do love me and getting to see them every week is a blessing.

5. Hockey. Another stress reliever. Hockey has been my salvation for over thirty years now. Without it, I don't think I would be here today. When I was younger, I had nothing. Hockey was my only way to be with people as a social outlet. Outside of sports, I'm not exactly the personality that people like or want to  be around. Sooner or later, they tire of me. I also have the problem of befriending people who only want favors from me. Once I've fulfilled what they wanted or needed, then they have no use for me. At hockey I still have the workout it gives me to forget for a while these things.

6. Having a roof over my head and food. Many people are struggling to find a place to live or get food in their bellies. I know that I have both those things and am grateful for them.

7. My strength of will. I get tired of people who say I'm stubborn. It's not that, it's inner strength. I've been burnt by user people so many times that I've learned to build a wall up to keep the hurt at a minimum. Being numb is better than being angry. Knowing that I will survive whatever is thrown at me, it has kept me alive and here.

8. My few friends. I have a handful of people who I would call real, true friends. They like me for who I am, but even they've had their moments where they haven't wanted me in their lives. I'm not one of those people that others would bend over backwards to be with. I also don't tell them everything that is in my life because it would get to a point that they wouldn't want to be with me at all. It's better to keep most of my life to myself so that I at least have some friends in my life at all.

9. Books. Books have always been a way for me to escape from my life. I can read stories of people who have survived way worse than what has ever gone on in my life. Seeing their pain, their struggles, and knowing that they survived it, and still manage to be happy, they inspire me to keep plugging along. If they could make it, then so can I.

10. Me. I have myself. I've spent the majority of my life being alone and with myself, that I can travel, go shopping, go to the movies, you name it, and I can do it by myself. Being on the outside and looking in can be hard, but at least I don't stop living because of it.